Kindness Is Free. Favours Are Not.
- Apr 30
- 3 min read
The Hidden Currency of “Hosted Experiences” in the Events Industry
Kindness is free. Favours are not.
They often look the same, but they operate very differently.
Listening to The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene brought this into sharper focus for me. Favours are rarely just acts of generosity. They are often a form of quiet leverage, with an unspoken expectation of return.
In our industry, we don’t always call them favours.
We call them Hosted Buyer Experiences. Invitations to experience, taste, and indulge in VIP treatment. Carefully curated moments designed to showcase what a venue, destination, or supplier can offer.
While they can be valuable, let’s be honest about the underlying intention:
The hope is that your return “favour” becomes a confirmed piece of business.
Where I Learned to See It Clearly
In the first 14 years of my career in corporate, the rules were very clear:
No accepting gifts
No hosted buyer programs
Strict conflict of interest policies
At the time, it felt rigid. But now I see it for what it was—a layer of protection.
It protected:
Decision-making
Fairness in procurement
The integrity of relationships
Today, as an entrepreneur building partnerships, communities, and experiences, I still carry that lens with me.
The difference now is that our exchanges are transparent.
We work through:
MOUs
Sponsorship agreements
Clearly defined benefit structures
These are not favours. They are intentional, documented exchanges of value.
No hidden strings.
The Grey Area We Don’t Talk About
Where it becomes complicated is in the space we don’t openly address.
The whispers.
Accepting gifts during an active bid
Being treated as a VIP without clear boundaries
Participating in hosted experiences without fully understanding the obligations
This is where I see many event planners, especially in social and lifestyle spaces, get caught.
Not because of bad intent, but because generosity is often mistaken for kindness.
A Real Example
I recently coached a client through a live scenario.
She was in the middle of evaluating suppliers when one offered a complimentary experience. I advised her not to accept anything free while a decision was still pending.
To her credit, she reached out and insisted on paying.
The supplier declined.
They said: “We want to do this. It’s important to us to show our generosity.”
On the surface, it sounded thoughtful.
In reality, it created a favour.
And with it, an invisible hesitation.
What Happened Next
That supplier did not win the bid, and when it came time to communicate the decision:
There was discomfort
There was guilt
There was disappointment
Not because the process was unfair, but because the relationship had shifted.
A transaction had quietly turned into an emotional obligation.
Why This Matters
When you accept something of value without a clear agreement, you are no longer operating from a neutral position.
You are carrying:
A sense of indebtedness
A pressure to reciprocate
A bias, whether you acknowledge it or not
And over time, this changes how you make decisions.
It becomes less about:
What is right
What is best for the client
And more about:
Who gave you access
Who invested in you
Who made you feel valued
That’s where judgment gets clouded.
My Perspective
Avoiding conflicts of interest is not about being transactional.
It’s about protecting your integrity.
This is especially challenging in social event planning, where:
Gifts are normalized
Access is currency
Experiences are part of the culture
We need to call it what it is. Not all generosity is free of expectation.
My Advice
Stay aware. Stay neutral.
If there is no contract, no agreement, and no defined exchange, be cautious.
Because the cost of a “free” experience is often higher than paying your own way.
And once you accept the favour, you are no longer standing independently.
You are holding a string.
And over time, enough strings turn even the strongest leaders into puppets.
Connie Cay-Santos
CEO & Founder
CAY VII INC | HER Seat at the Table
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